Expect the Unexpected

From the moment we become parents we realize our lives are no longer our own; so much more is at stake. We take the tiny, helpless infant into our arms and commit our lives to the new demanding stranger. Without hesitation we vow to love and protect them. We promise to share all our worldly knowledge and experience with them and expect nothing in return.

Michelle Hensman

We are committed to being successful and research what professionals consider to be the best baby proofing products, safest car seats, strollers and high chairs. We consciously select toys that will stimulate curiosity, excitement and learning. Our bathrooms become small drug stores filled with pain relievers, diaper creams, bandages covered with cartoon characters, stool softeners, tooth ache gel…we want to be prepared for anything.

Well worn copies of What to Expect When You’re Expecting and the First Year sit side-by-side on the book shelf; an even more tattered copy of The Discipline Book is at the bedside riddled with dog ears, underlined passages and sticky notes. Meanwhile, The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem sits splayed open on the coffee table. We are proactive, methodical and diligent parents. However, nothing could have prepared you for ________________ (fill in your own blank).

As parents our dreams are filled with images of eternal happiness and unlimited opportunities for our children. Every waking moment is focused on helping them to achieve that happiness by teaching them about all the wonderful things the world has to offer. Through it all, our mission is to make sure they feel safe and loved. So what happens when we fall from grace?

A parenting fact is that going from feeling omnipotent to incompetent is inevitable because, in reality, disappointment, injustice and pain are all unpredictable. It’s natural to want to protect our children from harsh reality, but it’s impossible. We cannot be with them every moment, everyday to ward off evil doers. There comes a time when we must trust that our children will be cared for by others, trust our adolescent’s judgment and trust that we are making the best decision for our children, even when the options are lousy. And like it or not others will not care them as we would, they will have errors in judgment and disappoint us on more than one occasion, and parents, even after doing all that homework, we will make plenty of wrong decisions along the way.

Everyone makes mistakes and sometimes bad things happen to good people. How we deal with challenging situations and the emotions they evoke and how we navigate ourselves and our children through such adversity is what makes the difference. It can ultimately define who we are and who they will become. When they make mistakes or bad things happen to them use it as an opportunity to teach them how to draw strength from the experience, learn from it and eventually offer/accept forgiveness. Keep in mind it’s easier for most people to extend forgiveness than it is to receive it; which can be detrimental to their subconscious for years.  And clarify the difference between a victim mentality and an empowered survivor.

Our actions are the only thing we can control and we need to make sure children learn this through conversations that help them to understand cause and effect. Children don’t come with instruction manuals and none of us are equipped with a What to Expect During Your Life Expectancy guide. All we can do is our best and believe that the bad experiences we endure have a greater purpose and embrace the notion:  that which does not kill us only makes us stronger characters!