Soul Matters – July 2023

My son, Aidan, has been planning on attending the local university this fall. It’s been a long journey of many disappointments this past year, as my regular readers will recall. But just when we were settling into this next chapter, Aidan received an email. The arts conservatory on the East coast that he had applied to twice over the past two years wrote to say that he had been accepted off of their waitlist. And just like that, everything was thrown up in the air.

Aidan, it should be noted, is a person who likes the known over the unknown. He orders hamburgers everywhere we go because he prefers what he knows over what he might not like and does not trust. He deeply values his tight circle of friends. Our family is very close. He has found good people at school, taken a number of classes the past year, and was comfortable. He has a sweet job and likes the area. It’s close enough to come home on the weekend if he wants. He was enrolled and good to go.

Now, there was a big decision: stay where he is comfortable or go across the country to an unknown place for a small school with a stellar reputation and ungodly humidity and start anew. He had 24 hours to decide. After discussion and some private deliberation, Aidan came to me as I was outside gardening. “I’ve made my decision,” he announced. “University of North Carolina School of the Arts,” he said. His reason? “If I didn’t say yes, I would always wonder what might have been.”

Now, I can’t tell you how surprised and impressed (and suddenly nauseous) I was. My tentative son, now a young man, was choosing to let go of his familiar and comfortable world to face a host of unknowns because, as he said, “If I go and it isn’t for me, I can always come back, but the reverse isn’t true.” He recognized a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and he said, “YES.”

Some opportunities only come around once. This doesn’t mean that other good things won’t present themselves, but there are certain windows that open only briefly and then close, like a chance to attend conservatory, or that opportunity to take my junior year abroad. That invitation to my brother-in-law’s wedding in Spain that I decided not to attend? Gone. (What was wrong with me??)

Saying yes might entail a bit of perceived risk, be it financial, physical, or emotional. Saying yes can be scary, because it takes us out of the safe, comfortable, well-known terrain where the ego loves to stay. “Yes” will certainly take you out of your comfort zone, but it will also make your world much bigger and richer. And the bigger your world, the greater the number of opportunities that will present themselves to you, and the more chance that something wonderful will enter and take root.

Saying, “Yes,” opens your horizon as well as your heart. “Yes,” is an attitude of courage and openness. “Yes,” is trusting that, by risking yourself and opening to life, amazing things will happen. “Yes,” is the wisdom that even the so-called “bad” things are just experiences that grow you in multiple ways.

At the end of the journey no one ever says, “I tried too many things. I was too open to adventure. I said yes too often.” People say, “I wish I’d tried that thing. I wish I’d gone to France. I wish I’d played more. I wish I’d kissed that girl. I wish I’d taken that chance.”

There are only so many chances, only so long the window is open. This life, she is short.

Carpe Diem.

Dedicated to my son, Aidan, who impresses and inspires me with his courage to be his biggest, truest self.

KATE INGRAM, MA,CBSC is the very proud mama of a talented filmmaker and “Fighting Pickle.” (Best mascot ever.) She is also a life transitions counselor, coach, and award-winning author. Find out more at kintsugicoaching.com or write kate@kintsugicoaching.com.