Soul Matters – October 2021

Eighteen months ago, I began this column by saying, “Are you as tired of hearing and reading about this horrid virus as I am?”

Little did I imagine.

Here it is, another fall in masks; another season of uncertainty on multiple levels. I am beyond sick and tired of this horrid virus. But there is another equally concerning virus going around: It piggybacked in on Covid, opportunistically coming in the door that the physical virus opened.

It is the virus called Fear.

Viruses are not living organisms: they require a host in order to replicate and survive. I looked up a description of how viruses work:

“Viruses infect a host by introducing their genetic material into the cells and hijacking the cell’s internal machinery to make more virus particles. With an active viral infection, a virus makes copies of itself and bursts the host cell, (killing it) to set the newly-formed virus particles free.” (medicinenet.com)

Fear finds a host in our thoughts, filling us with stories that are almost always imagined. (FEAR: Fantasy Experienced As Real.) Fear enters whenever we feel out of control. And then it replicates. And, like its physical counterpart, the Fear Virus reveals itself with a long list of symptoms:

  • Anxiety
  • Blame
  • Anger
  • Defensiveness
  • Bitterness
  • Polarized Thinking
  • Judgment
  • Intensified Emotions
  • Impulsive Reactions
  • Labeling

When we don’t pay attention to the symptoms alerting us to an invasion, the virus—be it physical or energetic—takes over. It “kills off” the healthy parts of us in the process. In the case of fear, it kills off civility, rationality, moderation, kindness, compassion, empathy, and consideration. It takes us down to our basest, most reactionary, ego-centric selves.

Rather than pulling together during this time of universal suffering, we have allowed this virus to invade our friendships and our community. Even here, in little Pleasantville, I have experienced people openly expressing blame, hostility, judgment, and “us-and-them” thinking—both with and toward me—in what would, in other less treacherous times, have been a friendly conversation during a dog walk. And mind you, these expressions were unsolicited and unilateral. (I choose not to discuss my body, politics, opinions or highly-personal decisions in casual conversation, because A) It’s not polite; B) It’s not anyone else’s business; and C) It will likely not end well)

Fear is more insidious and far more dangerous than any other virus out there. I believe it is our worst enemy. But unlike its physical counterpart, we can easily counter the Fear Virus. We do that by choosing to live by higher values: kindness and peace, rather than judgment and intolerance. It’s that simple. It’s a choice. It’s a decision about the kind of person you want to be. The great privilege of personhood is the ability to choose our thoughts and actions.

In the end, we are united by our humanity: We are all tired and stressed and profoundly affected by circumstances clearly beyond our control. Moreover, we all want the same things: to be happy; to feel safe; to be well. We don’t have to agree about the best way to achieve that. That’s the beauty of human existence: we are not automatons. I’m grateful for that.

Be kind and be well.

KATE INGRAM, MA, is an award-winning author, life transitions coach, counselor, Giants fan and lover of dogs and manatees. Find out more at kintsugicoaching.com.