Soul Matters – April 2023 – published online only

Happy April y’all!

It’s actually March and snowing as I write this, but I’m not buying into the deception. I can see the maple outside my office window covered in snug little buds. Spring is right around the 34º corner and I am in spring cleaning hyperdrive: scouring cabinets, tossing stuff, culling kids clothing. My daughter asked—with that look she gets—if I were Marie Kondo-ing again.

Sparking joy, baby.

It’s not just the seasonal shift that’s at play here: my outer activity is reflecting a deep, inner house-cleaning. For some time now I’ve been sorting through old beliefs, dusting off the stories, looking at my relationships with an honest eye, and asking myself what I want to keep, what I need to release, why I have what I have, what I truly want. Big questions. And the answers to some of them have been painful.

It can be hard to let go, even when you know you need to. But the reality is, it’s harder to live in a too-tight pot. It’s impossible to create space and welcome new life if you’re dragging three decades of an old, tired story behind you. We get so accustomed and attached to our old stories, to our beliefs and patterns and unhealthy relationships that we don’t even realize how they are draining and limiting us. We think, this is life. This is how it is. Except it isn’t—unless you want it to be.

Inner clutter restricts and blocks you in the same way outer clutter does. Hurt, guilt, shame, blame, anger, fear, worry, regret, resentment, bitterness, negativity, limiting beliefs—these things consume so much mental and emotional real estate that one day you discover that you’re living in a tiny corner of your life, hanging on to things (or people) that are broken, that don’t fit, that don’t feel good or lift you; things that are keeping you stuck in a past that you then parlay into your future.

Getting out of that tight corner is both a decision and a process. You have to first decide to release the old in order to receive the new. Until you decide to let go of your past patterns, you live in a sort of Groundhog Day, re-living the same, small story ad nauseam. The decision to clean it all out initiates a shift from pain to possibility.

The process of getting out of the corner is a different story. The process is a process, and it’s not as sweet and tidy as Marie Kondo would have you think. There’s a lot of reviewing, a lot of examining and remembering and realizing and feeling that goes along with this clean-up. Change is hard. Cleaning out is a messy, often exhausting process. And the reality is that no one else can do it for you. You are the creator and curator of your life. You get to choose which beliefs/thoughts/habits you wish to keep and which you want to release. You get to choose whether to have relationships that fulfill, nourish, and support you—or not. A good friend or therapist can help you sort and sift, but ultimately, the choices are yours to make.

Ultimately, spring cleaning is about self-worth. It’s believing that you are worthy of a fresh start, worthy of love and beauty and abundance. A true spring cleaning puts you in flow, releasing what binds and blocks you and allowing life and lightness to move through. When you are willing to let go and courageous enough to clear the clutter, you will indeed spark joy.

KATE INGRAM, MA, CSBC is an award-winning author, soul-centered counselor and coach. For support in sparking your joy, go to kintsugicoaching.com or write kate@kintsugicoaching.com.