At my sons last physical, his pediatrician suggested a few vaccinations; which came as no surprise since I had reviewed his shot records and was aware he was due. However, this year they were recommending something new, an HPV vaccination. (Human Papiloma Virus.) While I’m delighted with the advance in medicine, I can’t help but naively think, “My son doesn’t need this now….does he?” So I ask the doctor, “At 12 years old…?” He explained that studies have determined this age to be the best time frame for the body to assimilate the vaccine, before they’re naturally introduced to it. I interrupted, “Naturally introduced? YOU MEAN…..???”

Yes parents, like it or not, that’s exactly what it means. Does that make you uncomfortable? So what are we going to do about that? A world population over 7 billion indicates we’re not going to stop it; clearly that’s not the answer anyway. The answer is education; not at school, not on the street, not from their friends, but at home – from you!

Does it make you uncomfortable because it’s not an easy topic to discuss with your child? Let me remind you that he/she is no longer a child but an adolescent, going through a very normal process. Or maybe you fear discussing it will send the message that it’s OK for them to act in a manner that goes against your family’s belief system? Well, consider that for any other subject knowledge is power and without it we are rendered ignorant; unless we have the insight to ask for assistance. Parents, if we truly want to protect our adolescents we cannot encourage independence while they remain ignorant. We must explain how we expect them to behave based on our beliefs and why said beliefs are important to our family and we need to be wise enough to realize they may not take heed.

Instead of having THE talk, we have several conversations about the facts of life. The first one is about how their body will start changing and they might feel emotional or angry for no real reason and includes a very basic introduction to where babies come from; a couple of years later this is followed-up with a more in-depth explanation. Along the way there are several smaller conversations about gender sensitivity, understanding the difference between loving and liking someone and cultivating positive relationships. And finally, the most intense conversation of all: the scared celibate conversation!

After that doctors visit, I decided it was time! We sat down in front of the computer, recapped the facts and reviewed our family beliefs and expectations. I assured him that I’m fully aware of what he’s going through and even thinking/feeling these days, which is all normal.  I proceeded to explain that he should think very carefully before acting on thoughts/feelings, because there are risks to all levels of ‘sharing’ – that’s when I switched the computer screen on to the CDC website, http://www.cdc.gov/std/training/picturecards-warning.htm, with a choice image in place for dramatic impact! We scrolled through the information, even the photo album of STI/D’s, (that’s the critical scary part!), and discussed all the avenues for transmission. Parents, unfortunately this is where adolescents are most ignorant; don’t chicken out here and only cover the road most commonly traveled. Stay strong, keep to the facts and be very clear!

After all this your adolescent will most likely look horrified and deflated, (excellent!), and may ask, “So, like, what am I supposed to do? How will I ever know if I’m going to be safe?”  To which you could reply, “You wait.” Then tenderly smile, tussle the hair on their head and say, “Wait until you know you have found the right person you can share anything with and trust with your life. Someone who will love you as much as I do, or someone who won’t mind that you require a copy of their last physical examination and a blood test before ‘hooking-up’!”