Soul Matters – June 2020

One of the more obvious and trying aspects of this pandemic we’re floundering in are all the things we can’t do. This horrid little virus has spurred limitations the likes of which most of us have never seen. Constrained on multiple levels— movement, activities, work, income, socializing— we are experiencing a massive personal and global cut-back.

Limitations are difficult, irritating, and frustrating. They restrict us. They feel like a big, fat, cosmic “NO.” But for every roadblock thrown up by limitation, a new direction beckons. That new opportunity is not always immediately apparent, and it often requires that we travel some rocky, mountainous terrain. That difficult terrain shapes us and prepares us to become a larger version of ourselves.

It takes time and perspective to be able to look back and say, “Because of that lousy thing, this amazing thing happened.” We don’t have access in the moment to the bigger picture; that can only be seen in hindsight. But I’ve lived long enough to know that while the pain of limitation is real, so are the opportunities it brings.

Limitations channel our energy, stopping it from flowing in one way and directing it in another. It’s much like the pruning of a tree. Strategic pruning is what concentrates a tree’s vital energy, causing it to become stronger and to take a more distinct shape, to produce more and better fruit. Pruning can look brutal: often a tree is cut back to just a few, core limbs. For a while, the tree can look ravaged, and in a sense, it is. Yet the results are both beautiful and, well—fruitful.

No one wants to be pruned. No one asks for limitations, yet limitations are what shape you and guide you to your destiny. Country singer Brett Young was a college baseball star with offers from the MLB, but an elbow injury at 21 stopped his career in its tracks. He turned to music as a way to deflect his depression and is now a multi-award-winning country artist. Frida Kahlo’s painful, physical limitations were what evoked her powerful artistic talents and also what became a theme for her evocative, intensely personal paintings.

The poet David Whyte says, “Anything real that presents itself to you is not an obstacle, but a necessary next step.” That next step might be internal: the development of patience, compassion, trust, courage, perspective, creativity and grace. Or maybe it’s external, leading you to a new career, relationship, invention, ability, or creation. Limitations are what provoke you to change course and to expand your mind and heart. The hardest experiences are the ones that create the greatest growth and transformation.

Life throws limitations at us all. The big question is what you do with them. Do you sit and curse them, or do you let limitation lead you to something new? In other words, do you see your limitation as an obstacle, or an opportunity? To help you see it as the latter, you might ask yourself, what is my necessary next step? What wants to happen? What am I being asked to look at, begin, embrace, step up to, let go of? The simple act of asking those questions and listening for the answers will set you on course for your destiny.

When you accept your limitations, you can transcend them.

KATE INGRAM, MA, is a life transitions coach, counselor and award-winning author. Her new book, “Grief Girl’s Guide: How to Grieve, Why You Should, and What’s In It for You,” will be out later this month. Her Grab & Go Grief Kit and information about her practice and upcoming events is available at katherineingram.com.