Louise Lavergne does Tattva Balance

Peaceful Resolutions

Occasionally I’ve suffered from a syndrome I call “Peace at all costs.” Sometimes it’s a good thing.  I  just accept “what is” and don’t feel the need to be “right,” —but I have to check with myself that the attitude isn’t coming from an underlying fear of confrontation,  or wanting to make it “OK” for everybody else, causing me to overlook my position or my needs.

At times like this, I need to ask myself: “Am I compromising my emotional well-being?”  If so, why?  Fear of confrontation, or of rejection, often is the cause for not expressing one’s needs. Or perhaps the emotional seed behind this may be a childhood fear that asks, “Am I good enough?”  We may subconsciously fear that if we aren’t “good” enough or agreeable enough, we’ll lose the affection, acceptance and love of those we care about. The physiological impact of fear is experienced in our bodies in the same way, whether it’s fear of a rattlesnake, fear of being broke or fear of confrontation.  An alarm goes off—and the body jerks into protection mode, creating stress and shutting down our ability to process what is really happening. After all FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real. “Peace at all costs” sometimes only creates the illusion of peaceful resolution, while inside our internal organs and blood streams are engaged in an emotional war of resentment and hurt.

The truth is that when we can clearly and peacefully express our needs, we give ourselves and others the opportunity to understand and embrace who we really are and not the person we feel we need to be. Expressing our needs nurtures our self-respect, and it can deepen the love and compassion in our heart for our self and others.

Recently, I stepped beyond “Peace at all cost” and embraced an opportunity for a peaceful resolution. I engaged in a discussion where I let my heart be the leader. I felt the fear but stayed present, as anchored as I could with the peace and love in my heart. I experienced both rejection and the confirmation, that in this situation, from the other person’s view, I wasn’t enough. Ouch! We have to love ourselves enough to accept the other person’s point of view. Yes, I was deeply saddened and disappointed, but somehow staying in my heart, aligned with my true self, through the sadness, I felt a deep sense of peace. I felt so much love and compassion for myself.

More and more, the medical profession talks about how love and compassion have tremendous health benefits. “When we are in a loving state, our hearts go into coherent heart rhythms,” says Rollin McCraty, director of research at the Institute of HeartMath. “This is because the two halves of the nervous system are in sync and operating much more efficiently together. That allows the body to go through its natural regenerative process,” he explains. “If we feel love and compassion, it boosts our immune system.”

Resolving our inner anger and/or conflict is a crucial place to start the process of opening up to the possibility of peaceful resolution.  Here is a simple and powerful yoga practice to help you get started. It balances the meridians of the body, helps to clear inner conflict and eases the mind and body:

Tattva Balance

  • Sitting with a straight spine, spread your fingers wide apart, with the fingertips of each hand pressing together. With your thumbs pointed toward your body and your palms apart, your hands will look like a teepee. (see picture)
  • Starting with a deep breath through your nose (into the belly), exhale through rounded lips with eight puffs, pulling in your navel on each powerful exhale.
  • With eyes barely open, focus on the tip of your nose or fingertips. You can imagine a river running through the center of your hands with the current going away from you. With each exhale, let mental tension, conflict(s) or fears flow out. Imagine those things being taken away by the current as you release them. Continue for 1 to 3 minutes.

Once you are at peace with yourself, the next step is to discuss the issue with the people concerned, if possible. You may not get all your needs met or have things go your way.  At best, you may mutually agree to disagree.  But when we cultivate a peaceful heart, it allows us to come from a more loving heart. This gives us the opportunity to be in harmony with ourselves.  From there we can achieve truly peaceful resolutions in any situation, in all areas of our lives so we can live a healthier and more Joy-Full Life. Remember to take time to breathe.

© Louise Lavergne 2001-2011 www.joyfull-yoga.com; 541-899-0707. Louise is a JoyFull living coach, Motivational speaker & owns JoyFull Yoga LLC in Jacksonville. She offers group & private sessions here and across North America.  She has been practicing and teaching yoga and meditation for over 25 years.