A Cup of Conversation – by Michael Kell, GoodBean Coffee

Life moves pretty fast. We think we have time enough both present and future but it’s a lie. The tyranny of the urgent so often prevents higher ideals from ever taking form. The sad irony is the higher ideal almost always involves helping others outside our circles. No room at the inn, so to speak, is the natural human condition. Like gravity, our time, resources and energy unless otherwise directed will always fall back to earth and there is rarely anything left to give. Life is busy and demanding so after the day’s toil and labor, we are quite simply spent. This is why there is so much quiet respect for those stretching outside their orbit to make a difference in the personal world of another. The investment is a bare fraction of what we spend on ourselves but with a return exponentially greater. The return is so great there is no metric for determining the yield because the effect is multi-generational.

I met James (not his real name) about ten years ago through a mentoring program called Help a Teen Succeed. The boy was just twelve and entering one of the junior-high schools here in the valley. The HATS program was new and gaining traction in the school district to address an epidemic of disenfranchised youth struggling to find their way through the aftermath of broken homes and overwhelmed single mothers. HATS matched kids with qualified mentors, men and women with at-risk boys and girls. The district required interested kids come in to the school office on their own initiative to sign up. Imagine how emotionally beat-down a fifteen year old must be to do something that radical. A healthy, well-loved teen with present, available, and supporting parents could not possibly comprehend the size of the hole in these kid’s hearts.

James and I hit it off right away, not necessarily the normal progression of things. Over the years, we navigated deeper waters together as mentoring transformed into friendship and James moved quickly towards manhood. A highlight was when a freaked out James called the day before his prom. Apparently, the tuxedo shop was unwilling to back off the leprechaun-green tuxedo they put him in which made the sixteen year old look like a dork (his exact words.) He asked if I could meet him at the rental shop to deal with the recalcitrant manager (not his exact words). After a brief but candid chat with the manager, we had young James in the Armani black-on-black tuxedo. I gave instructions to not look in the mirror while he put on the fitted shirt, pants, and patent leather shoes but to wait until coming out of the dressing room. When James walked out we finished the ensemble with tie and jacket then turned him around to face the full length mirror. The handsome kid looked like James Bond. When asked what he thought, the young Bond who never knew life outside of jeans and a t-shirt just stood there mute when a smile beamed across his face and he said, “I think I look….spectacular.”

Walking out of the rental shop, I asked James about the lucky girl and he said there were actually two young ladies he was escorting, one was his date and the other his date’s cousin from out of town. Asked how he was getting to the prom James said he didn’t know, maybe his older brother if it worked out? Asked where he was taking the girls before the prom and James said maybe the Safeway food court! At that point, I knew this required being all in or not at all. As it turned out, James escorted not two but THREE beautiful girls including his date, her cousin, and the date’s best friend stood-up last minute by her date (that kid really needed a mentor). So with mentor as chauffer, date consultant, and moral support, James pulled off the prom experience of a lifetime. As the kids were exiting the stylish restaurant, I knew it was already a success when one of the young ladies I was helping into the car turned and said, “You rock! Thank you for everything.” At the end of the night James walked the last young lady to her door to say goodnight and the boy returning to the car was now a young man. I could see in his eyes and the way he carried himself my time with him was coming to a close.

James graduated the next year and we slowly drifted apart but ran into each other recently with occasion to catch up. He is living in Central Oregon managing a chain of retail properties in the Northwest, builds and races professional sprint cars in his spare time, and is truly enjoying life.

Be Good not bitter.

Posted December 5, 2013