Soul Matters – February 2021

When I was giving birth to my daughter, there came a point—about twelve hours into my unmedicated odyssey—where I was done. I looked at my midwife, bleary and exhausted, and said, “I don’t want to do this anymore.”

I think a whole lot of us are feeling something akin to that level of weariness right about now with the “All COVID, All the Time” marathon we’re running. We’re tired and we’re worn out. We’ve been trying to do what we’re supposed to do (mostly) and we know that relief is just around the corner, but it’s not here yet and honestly, we don’t want to do this anymore. We want the freakin’ baby to be born. We want to celebrate, get back to normalcy, get our stores and social events and schools and jobs back. But we’re not there…yet.

The “I don’t want to do this anymore” point is a potent moment in the slog, be it labor or pandemic. It’s the darkest moment before the dawn, a point of transition. “Transition,” in childbirth, is when a laboring mother moves from contractions to pushing. It is, quite literally, the time when something new begins to happen. Begins to happen. It’s not the end … yet. And setbacks may still occur.

The pushing part of my labor did not go according to plan. At hour 23, it became clear that Baby Girl was not going to appear in the usual way, and we wound up in an emergency surgery. Not the way I imagined it going, and not the way I wanted it, but we did get there, and with a story to tell and a lot of personal growth that came from it.

There are some things—many things—we simply cannot change. We can’t force or hurry a baby or a pandemic. These sorts of ordeals are humbling. They are not to be controlled. They are going to run their course and we can either fight them, or we can accept the things we cannot change and find empowerment in the choices we can make.

And you do have choice through this long labor. The choice isn’t about timing or making everything go according to your beautiful plan: the choice is how you go through it. Do you choose to simply go through it? Or will you choose to grow through it?

You can choose to be angry, frustrated and complain. You can be depressed and defeated. You can be fearful and anxious. You can even choose to be self-pitying and self-righteous. Or…you can choose to grow. You can look for the lessons and opportunities and positives. You can decide to show compassion and understanding toward yourself and others. You can choose to move through this difficult process with grace and acceptance and use it as an opportunity to become empowered, in the deepest sense of becoming flexible, strong, resilient, and positive—qualities that will not only improve your life, but be a blessing to everyone you meet going forward.

We will get to the other side of this eventually, one way or another. Knowing this, the real question is, how do you want to get there?

Kate Ingram, MA, is the mother of two babies who took their sweet time getting here, but were worth every minute of it. She is also an award-winning author, coach and counselor. Her newest book, “Grief Girl’s Guide: How to Grieve, Why You Should & What’s In It for You” is available on Amazon and at Rebel Heart Books. Find out more at katherineingram.com or email kate@katherineingram.com.