Soul Matters – December 2020/January 2021

Well, we’re almost there my friends. We’re at the finish line of 2020: the craziest, weirdest, most tumultuous, contentious, painful, scary, exhausting years most of us have ever seen. The year that we stopped asking, “Anything else?” because the answer was always, “Why, yes, as a matter of fact: Here!” Pandemic and politics, race riots and economic upheaval, fires and floods—this was one for the record books.

So, for this different sort of year, I decided to write a different sort of column. Rather than an ode to the season, I want to share something practical to help spark some optimism and positivity going forward, something that answers the new question we’re all asking:

Now what?

The new year is (almost) here, but the old problems remain. How do we cope with ongoing pandemic fear and fatigue? Economic struggle? Facing life without a loved one? Illness? Fear? If you’re dealing with a “Now What?” the following are some simple steps to help create a deeper, more peaceful, meaningful and balanced life in a brave new year. They are based on the principles of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, but at their root, they are both quite spiritual and eminently practical.

Step 1: Be Here Now—Stay as present as possible both to what’s happening in your physical world and your internal, psychological world. Just notice. Breathe.

Step 2: Accept—Accept what is. Acknowledge those things you cannot change. Accept all your thoughts and feelings—even the cruddy ones—and simply let them be. Don’t resist, judge, or try to change them.

Step 3: Notice Who’s There—Notice the part of you that is narrating a running commentary in your head. (“I can’t handle this” or, “These steps are useless!”) Then notice the part of you that’s noticing this. This is your observer self. The fact that you have this observer reminds you that you are not your thoughts or feelings. You are more. (Intriguing!)

Step 4: Identify Your Values—Switch gears now and think: What do you believe in? What matters most to you in this life? How do you want to live? These values are your true north. They point to where you need to focus your energies.

Step 5: Take Committed Action—What is the next, best thing to do that will cultivate more of what you value? This is the thing that will move you in a positive direction and balance or diminish the difficulties you’re facing.

Breathing, settling into a calm presence, accepting your thoughts and feelings without getting tangled-up in them, remembering what’s important and taking action, however small, that moves you in that direction—is the answer to “now what?” It’s how to get unstuck, deal with anxiety or depression and take care of yourself while simultaneously being a beneficial presence on the planet.

Pretty nifty, huh? Merry Christmas and you’re welcome.

Wishing you have a healthy, peaceful new year and a better, brighter 2021.

KATE INGRAM, MA is an award-winning author, counselor, and life transitions coach specializing in loss, grief, and spiritual growth. Her newest book, “Grief Girl’s Guide: How to grieve, why you should, and what’s in it for you,” is available at Amazon and Rebel Heart Books. (Shop local!) Find out more at katherineingram.com.