It’s much easier and more acceptable to talk about all the good things you do as a parent, but what about those times when we lose it? We’ve all been there. Everyone one of us has experienced a no good, very bad, ugly parenting moment. It doesn’t happen too often in our politically correct culture but occasionally we’ll catch a glimpse of one; typically in a grocery store setting near the candy isle. Unfortunately parents rarely talk about their experiences with the mystical, illusive creature, even fewer still will actually admit to being, what I like to refer to as, a Crazy Mom!

I know this is not popular, it’s totally taboo and I hope you all will still respect me after reading my confession:  I am sometimes a Crazy Mom. Usually I’m pretty cool under pressure but I admit there are times when it takes very little to set Crazy Mom in motion. On the surface Crazy Mom is irrational and well, crazy! Crazy is defined as: unpredictable, mentally deranged; demented; insane, senseless, impractical, totally unsound. Yep, that pretty much describes Crazy Mom! Crazy Mom is much like Mr. Hyde:  when she transforms her shoulders hunch, brows furrow deeply into a uni-brow, her eyes blaze fury, her senses heighten, she becomes keenly aware of any sort of wrong doing, she’s explosive, yells and even swears; pause for the shock gasp! No one or thing is immune and resistance to her is futile!

Ashamed of the Crazy Mom within me I tried to manage, even eradicate her with exercise, meditation, pharmaceuticals, holistic remedies, and alcohol; sometimes these tactics managed to satiate her, but only temporarily. I fought to deny her passage every time she tried to pay my family a visit; sometimes I won, sometimes she was the victor. I felt terrible guilt and misery over this Crazy Mom part of me until I started talking with other moms and very slowly began to learn that I’m not the only split personality parent out there; misery loves company!

Lots of parents are at war with their anger and personal demons and sometimes loose the battle. Fearing my own personal Crazy Mom affliction was causing severe, irreversible damage to my family I set out to learn everything I could about the beast within, with the hope of finding answers and ultimately some kind of a cure.

Initially I feared getting to know Crazy Mom; I was concerned that if I allowed her passage I might not be able to control her and she may take over completely. But if I was going to learn anything about her I had to take that chance. So I nailed crosses to the walls, made my husband and boys garlic necklaces, gave them a shot of holy water and proceeded to remove the chains! What I learned about myself was very surprising…

I learned, for me personally, Crazy Mom is a defense mechanism. She comes to my rescue when my family is relentlessly demanding or overly disrespectful. For all these years Crazy Mom has been safeguarding my sanity by helping me to maintain appropriate boundaries; which are necessary, even amongst your family  – correction, especially amongst your family! She comes to the rescue when Door Mat Mom begins rocking and drooling. She is not the enemy and although she likes to walk the line she does in fact know her limits. I came to understand that while she was protecting me she was also teaching my kids that their mom is a little off balance and its best to listen and cooperate otherwise anything can and will happen. While it may not be in any of the Dr. Spock parenting how to books I have decided I’m going to let them keep thinking this and leave the guilt behind. Although Crazy Mom is loud and unsavory at times, she’s not abusive; therefore, I’m going to use Crazy Mom like any other tool in my parenting belt. I intend to pull her out as needed, keeping in mind its best she be used sparingly; I theorize that over use may be ineffective and may risk rendering Good Mommy completely useless.

After all a very wise man (or Seal) once sang: “We’re never gonna survive unless we get a little craaaazy!”

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