THE UNFETTERED CRITIC

Christmas Crimes (No, not Fruitcake)

By Paula Block Erdmann & Terry Erdmann

A certain small town newspaper publisher once named the l990 John Hughes production Home Alone as his top choice on a list of favorite Christmas films. At first glance, that movie’s premise—an eight year old boy, inadvertently forgotten at home by his traveling parents and forced to fend off a pair of violent robbers—seems an odd choice for holiday viewing. And yet, watching while Macaulay Culkin’s clever Road Runner outwits Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern’s twin Wile E. Coyotes makes for perfect family fare.

As it turns out, when Hughes wrote Home Alone, he wasn’t inventing a genre; he was adding his own entry to a vast category of criminality-based classic Christmas films. Some of the entries are comic, some entertaining in a darker way, and some may not be appropriate for younger viewers. But we found a bagful that are more fun than a bowl of figgy pudding. For instance:

We’re No Angels (l955) stars Humphrey Bogart, Aldo Ray and Peter Ustinov as a trio of thieves who escape from the infamous Devil’s Island penal colony just before Christmas. While waiting for a boat to take them to Paris, they enter a store intending to rob it—and wind up helping the locals. With Leo G. Carroll as the store owner, Joan Bennett as his wife, and Basil Rathbone as the villain trying to take over the business, comedy is bound to arrive down the chimney. By the end, you’ll believe that, although they reside on Devil’s Island, these people are angelic.

Trading Places (l983) may be the perfect movie for viewing this holiday season, given its portrayal of evil-just-for-the-fun-of-it Wall Street traders. Ralph Bellamy and Don Ameche excel as bored, ultra-rich brothers who find fun in destroying an employee’s career. They frame Dan Aykroyd and give his job to small-time hustler Eddie Murphy, just to see what happens. And what happens is a hoot. Murphy’s character has too much heart to let himself be a part of the cruel experiment—so he and Aykroyd join forces to enact financial revenge. Since the action takes place primarily in the days leading up to New Years Eve, think of this as a Christmas bonus.

Die Hard (l988). You likely remember this one: New York City cop Bruce Willis flies into Los Angeles to join his estranged wife at her office Christmas party, only to find that a dozen terrorists intent on stealing millions from the vault have disrupted the festivities. And so Willis—a one-man SWAT team—disrupts theirs. As a slam-bang action film, there’s enough fireworks (and a dollup of profanity) here to last until the Fourth of July, but the flashes of fun, not to mention the explosions, light up the plot like a Christmas tree.

The Ref (l994). Denis Leary plays an incompetent burglar who holds a bickering family hostage during their Christmas dinner. And what a dinner it is: as consummate comic actors Kevin Spacey, Judy Davis, Christine Baranski and Glynis Johns sling verbal blows at one another, Leary attempts to “referee” the arguments while cops and a roving Santa keep knocking at the door. The script delights in undermining Christmas clichés, and, just in time for the cranberry sauce, is guaranteed to warm the hearts of dysfunctional families everywhere. One caveat: Leary’s language here is reminiscent of his early cable-TV specials, so perhaps the wee ones should be nestled all snug in their beds before you slip in the DVD. And please don’t forget to read the closing credits; there’s an “Easter Egg” hidden among them that may inspire a smile.

Happy Holidays, everyone!

Paula and Terry each have long impressive-sounding resumes implying that they are battle-scarred veterans of life within the Hollywood studios. They’re now happily relaxed into Jacksonville.