I was recently criticized as someone who lived in the “Wild West” and unable to move into the 21st century. This critic, in his attempt to secure approval to build a micro-brewery, seemed to believe that micro-breweries were new to the 21st century and therefore unknown in earlier times. Alas! There is nothing more frustrating than the ignorance of youth. Nonetheless, I admit this criticism stung. In fact, it got under my skin. Since this modern-day Addison de Witt never took the time to either meet me, or know what I believe or don’t believe, his criticism seemed, to phrase it gently, ill-advised. However, I reasoned it best to ignore the barbs and leave well enough alone. After all, how was he to know I developed business systems in both the oil and aerospace industries using advanced computer technology; or that I was developing computerized transcontinental payroll processing systems before he was born? How could he know I used state-of-the-art oil based projector systems at the Ronald Reagan library for film clip presentations at award shows in Los Angeles? No… he couldn’t know these things.

Smug in my self-confidence now, I dismissed his contemptuous remarks with a little contempt of my own. Alas and alack, how often we trip over our own feet. I didn’t know it, but my comfortable little world was about to crumble.

Until a month or so ago, I was content to use a bare-bones cell phone with no added features. (not even a camera!) Then, one day my wife Sharon suggested we move up to smartphones. Earlier I’d resisted the idea because everyone around me seems to have the silly thing in their hands all the time. Now, I thought, a smartphone will let me have access to my City email. Perhaps it was time to take the plunge. Yet, in the back of my mind I remembered the myth of Icarus who flew on wings of feather and wax, but who flew too close to the sun so that the wax melted and he fell into the sea and drowned.

We arrived at the store where an affable gentleman warmly greeted us and proceeded to tell us how easy this technology is. I believed every word because, after all, doesn’t everyone have one in their hand except when they go to bed? Like most “techies” he zipped through how to do this and how to do that. He made it look so simple, as easy as ABC. Ignoring any sense of trepidation, we bought our smartphones. How quickly my world turned upside down.

Until now, I’d always been the one to aid Sharon with any technical problems on her computer. Suddenly I was the one asking questions. How do I add people to my contact list? How do I search the Internet? How do I bookmark? How do I find missed calls? How do I sort between personal email and city email? How do I edit email? How do I do this? How do I do that? Why isn’t this working? Why isn’t that working? The list seemed endless, and there were no directions to follow. I found myself staring at this gadget in my hand as the hours went by, one after another, without any answers.

A call to the salesman seemed to offer a solution… they were providing a free class for smartphone dummies. Ah! My mental clouds rolled back… once again the sun shone

bright… and soon I sat down with perhaps ten other lost souls as the lesson began. An hour later, not all, but some of my questions were answered. Just enough for me to text a friend, “Just finished a class for dummies. I’m still a dummy.” What I really thought was… Now I know why people are staring at these things all day. They’re trying to figure things out.

Maybe the brew guy is right. Judge Roy Bean, move over. Maybe I do belong in the Wild West and not the 21st Century. YEEEEE HAWWWWWW!

Posted October 3, 2013