Family Views – by Michelle Hensman

This August is the start of the third year for the Family Views column…I’m amazed, overwhelmed and honored that the Jacksonville community has endured and followed my crazy anecdotes on family life for this long. As I perused pieces from the past, I’m reminded of why I wanted to write this column to begin with…

Back then I felt the need to write a parenting column for a few reasons: First—There was a market; Jacksonville was/is an amazing place to raise children and clearly we were not the only parents thinking along these lines based on the red wagons, bicycles, strollers and skateboards zooming around town. Second—I love to laugh and since there’s nothing more humorous than dysfunctional family life, why not purge myself of the pain and angst publicly for everyone else to laugh at, learn from, judge and ultimately relate to? Third—Parenting can be brutal and misery loves company!

Seriously, there was a time when I felt like I was the only one struggling with being a parent. Sacrificing my career and many of the things in life that were once meaningful and fulfilling to me to sit for 2 ½ hours cheering-on five-year-olds at baseball practice didn’t always sit well with me; especially after running late because there was a melt-down over which socks to wear. I thought I was the only one who didn’t make a vegetable for every meal, couldn’t keep a schedule and stressed over the team snack, birthday parties and sleep-overs.

I never felt like a very good role model and more often than not I struggled with patience. I’ve been known to get angry with my kids or husband and curse out loud, (even sometimes at them, shocker I know!). I sometimes would daydream about leaving without telling anyone where I was going or when I would return or imagine running far, far away and taking on a new identity…once back in reality I felt like a wretched witch of a mother, destined for hell fire to think such things! Certainly none of the parents I knew felt like this or used such disrespectful language around or at their loved ones, right? WRONG!

It turns out that friends whom I thought to be the most positive, influential, educated, well-adjusted and disciplined parents are just as confused, frustrated, inconsistent and inappropriate as I am, (friends who will remain anonymous, but you know who you are—wink!). Therefore, it became my mission as a soldier in the parenting war that no parent will be left behind, not on my watch! Parents, we need each other and should not have to endure the plethora of emotional complexity from our offspring alone. You’ve heard the old adage, “It takes a village to raise a child” (by the way I’m fairly certain that phrase was coined long before the Hillary speech); I’m here to tell you it also takes the village to support the parents! Hence the Family Views column was born.

Every parent has shining moments of glory and dark defeats and we all have vast knowledge and experiences worth sharing. Reach out to one another. I can assure you that whatever your neighbor is dealing with today you may have already been through, so help shed some light and laughter on their situation or you might be faced with a similar skirmish in a year and can ascertain inside information in an effort to preempt the strike; either way it’s win-win!

Try to remember: Sharing is caring, unless it’s unsolicited—and that’s a whole other column!

Family Views Readers: Thank you for your support over the last few years; please, keep the ideas coming and if you keep reading, I’ll keep writing!

Posted August 10, 2013